Paths not taken

"Nobody has ever broken me with love like that before."

I will never regret the love I gave. 

What I feel matters, but contemplating the choices and whys will draw me into absolute madness. I see right through it. I hear it in your voice, and I know the truth. I see it in your eyes. 

The honest answer is presented to you, but when confronted with it, the stark and immediate answer is, "I hate to tell you this, but I am getting everything I need." MMM, says my intuition. Okay, keep telling yourself that, baby, she repeats over and over. You have convinced yourself of all these things because (insert reason I'm not going to drive myself crazy over.. martyr? Coward? Who knows?) It's far easier to do this than us. 

Because the path with me actually requires your soul to be seen and called out. It requires a significant amount of hardship, and while that's not lost on me, what the fuck? You are one of the most courageous humans I have ever met, yet in dealings of heartache and authenticity, you stay away and choose cowardice as your companion. I hope I'm wrong. So that one day I don't hear that my old friend has taken their life because it all became too much and regret as overtaken you. I hope the stars are shining wherever you are.

I'm always willing to be wrong, but I'm usually not. I can feel it to my core. They weren't the only ones, and I'm sure one day I'll figure out why the actual fuck this happened.. maybe I'm a good luck Chuck (hahaha fuck)...

I'll love again. I'll be seen. It'll be amazing and beautiful, and I can't wait to hold those hands or stare into that eye, but for now, my heart is so goddamn broken. I feel shattered into a million pieces, and it's hard to breathe. Since the day I released you, I've found joy, I've laughed, and I will continue as me, carrying an immense amount of pain with a smile that could blind the world.